Springfield Strange

We’ve been in Springfield for 5 months. It really is a strange place. It’s been an adventure.

First of all, my job has me interacting with some people with whom I would never voluntarily choose to interact. These people aren’t murderers or rapists (well, not that I know of). They are just criminally minded enough to keep them from getting an invitation to any dinner parties that I might decide to host. You see, there are normal people in Springfield, and there are those who are Springfield Normal.

Springfield Norml is a pro-marijuana group. Springfield Normal, as I call them, is a group of people who smoke and sell marijuana. Or at least that is what I imagine this particular group of people as doing. Hygiene is not as important to them as is wearing all their favorite brands. Stealing is an acceptable way of getting those brands. I have never seen so many men over the age of 30 dressing as though they were 18. I think that there is also a larger than normal population of exotic dancers living here. At this point, I should state for the record that I have no problem with people using, selling, buying, and/or growing marijuana as long as they don’t aggress upon me in the process.

Secondly, we lost a long term non-human member of our family. She had been with us since 1998 or so. She is already missed.

But perhaps the strangest thing is that we are now parents of a human baby. He’s just over a month old. Already he is developing a personality. We used to think that we wouldn’t be any good at this, but I think we’ve got a handle on it. It already seems like he has been with us all along. It’s simply amazing.

I have a million other things on my mind and could keep writing, but it has been a long day – a long day that started last night. The baby fussed all night. That caused his mother to fuss. That caused me to not sleep. That caused a long day at work.

I still have to walk and feed the dogs, so this may be another long night.

On a Cup and a Prayer

Jennifer did a lot of research before my birthday to find free or cheap things for us to do. She found a $5.00 off birthday deal for Jason’s Deli. Yesterday we decided to go and use the coupon.

Sunday afternoon at Jason’s Deli, Springfield, MO, is a very busy place. Not that we knew this before going there. The staff and management were friendly enough. But one of the first things I noticed was that the place smelled of mildew. As with most Jason’s Deli restaurants, this place was cramped up with many small, two person tables. That caused us a lot of stress. We like our privacy and our personal space. So that was the first problem, but we figured we could put up with it.

Once seated, however, people kept bumping into my chair as they walked by. Not because they were seated beside us. Not because we were next to the salad bar. Not because we were near the cash register, nor the drink machine. The problem was that instead of walking around the main aisles, people were cutting through by our table to get to the ice cream machine. That was the second problem.

I maneuvered some tables and chairs around to keep that from happening. It worked, for the most part. Still, one guy walked up and scooted a chair out of the way to keep from walking around it. Oh, and he hit my chair. This was to avoid walking a whole 10 feet out of his way – to reach an ice cream machine.

Watching the people hitting the ice cream machine was pretty entertaining, or it would have been if they wouldn’t have kept bumping into me, my chair, and our table. You see, the line at the ice cream machine would back up at times. Some people think it is cool to let their kids get their own ice cream. Newsflash, some people may think it is cool, but the majority of the people in the line behind them do not think it is cool. I for one did not think it was cool for strangers to have their butts in my face while waiting in line. I guess it could have been worse. Nobody farted, at least not audibly or olfactorily (is that a word?). And everyone was clothed sufficiently. Also, there were none of those nude stretch pants that I have seen in those People of Walmart videos.

But none of these problems caused me as much distress as what I saw at the drink machine.

Unlike our previous experiences at Jason’s Delis across the Southeast US, this Jason’s had Styrofoam and paper cups instead of the usual red or clear hard plastic cups. When asked, they responded that they ran out of cups (whatever that meant) and were waiting for the supply truck. I’m not sure if they have switched to paper cups since the last time I visited. If they have, then my story isn’t as impressive as I hoped it would be. If they haven’t switched to using paper cups exclusively, then why were they waiting on a truck for more cups?

Anyway, the most distressing part of our Jason’s Deli experience is what happened at that drink machine. I saw a woman, who was old enough to be my mother (or at least my aunt), as she approached the place where the cup dispensers were located. She pulled off a stack of small paper Jason’s Deli branded cups. They were coffee sized cups.

After pulling the cups out of the dispenser, the woman did something that I never expected. It was certainly something that I hoped never happened in polite company. What I saw the woman do was the stuff of bad dreams. I’m not sure if anyone else has ever even thought of this scenario. Well, actually, I do know at least one other person that is horrified at the prospect of someone doing exactly what I saw this woman doing.

The woman pulled the stack apart and then did the unthinkable. Well, unthinkable to anyone other than me and one other person in the world. But she did it anyway.

The woman actually ran her hand inside one of the cups! And I don’t mean that she ran her hand around the rim of the cup. This woman, for whatever reason, felt the need to put her hand all the way inside the cup and rotate the cup. Her fingers had to be at the bottom of the cup. What on Earth was she getting out of this? Her behavior wouldn’t have been that bad, if this were going to be the cup she used for her own drink. But it wasn’t the cup that she ended up using for her own drink. To make matters worse, the woman separated more of the cups and then ran her hand inside of another cup! I was so upset at this point that I became a little vocal about it. I don’t think she heard me, but I told Jennifer what was going on as it was happening.

The woman then finally selected a cup for her own use. It wasn’t one of the cups she ran her hand inside of, as far as I could tell.

If anything that had transpired so far was unthinkable or even mildly distressing, the thing that happened next ruined our dining experience. The woman actually put the cups that she had felt up back into the cup dispenser. Remember, she felt up the inside of numerous cups, and then she put the cups back into the dispenser.

What kind of person does this? Why would a person feel that it is ok to stick his or her bare hand into a cup, and then put it back into the dispenser? A person with a problem? I don’t know. I’ve watched a lot of people. It’s what I get paid to do. I have seen people do things that you wouldn’t believe. Ok, maybe you would. I’ve seen people pee themselves when caught stealing – puking isn’t uncommon either. Praying to their god of choice isn’t uncommon either (too bad they didn’t pray before they were caught). I’ve seen people steal using their kid’s stroller to hide the stuff. I’ve seen people use their kids to steal stuff so that the parent doesn’t have to suffer the consequences if caught. I have never seen anything like this, but I haven’t worked in the food industry either. I have seen people lick things that other people are going to touch, but not in something destined for the mouth.

Anyway, the woman and her male partner sat down near us. We thought it was funny that they prayed before eating. We didn’t think it was funny that they were praying in general. We found it funny because she had just exposed others to whatever contaminants may have been on her hands, but yet she was also praying (assumingly) to give thanks for the food she was about to consume. I hope that she was praying that the people who ended up drinking out of the cups that she may have contaminated did not suffer any ill effects. Hell, for all I know, she was praying that others may get infected with whatever she might have had on her hands.

This would have never happened on the homestead. On The Gray Homestead, one does not double dip in food destined for the consumption of others, and they sure don’t put body parts into cups from which others will be drinking.

I don’t have a very high opinion of the human race in general, and this incident didn’t make me rethink that opinion.

Here are some totally unrelated Jason’s Deli pics that I found. One announces a soon to be Jason’s Deli drive through. The other is a driver who just couldn’t wait for said drive through to be built. The third picture is an unrelated and completely gratuitous pic of Jennifer in all of her currently pregnant glory.

So, there we go – cups and prayer at Jason’s Deli on a Sunday afternoon.

Thoughts on Springfield

After a month or so in Springfield, I have developed some opinions about this fine city.

First of all, it is a city. Therefore, my opinion may be a little skewed, as I have learned to like life outside the city and all of the freedoms that come with that life.

Springfield roads are bicycle friendly. Springfield drivers are not.

Springfield is not pit bull friendly, but it is bullshit friendly. Really, I cannot find one ordinance against cow feces on the books in Springfield. It’s pretty easy to find the anti pit bull ordinance.

Springfield is Amish friendly, Muslim friendly, and Christian friendly. It’s even mega church and weird church friendly. Springfield is not very agnostic or atheist friendly.

Springfield is beer friendly. And beer friendly it is. This works out well for me because I am as well. Check out Springfield Brewing Company, White River Brewing Company, and Mother’s Brewing Company – all located right here in Springfield.

Springfield is tattoo friendly.

Springfield isn’t all that vegetarian friendly. Moe’s is. Chipotle is. In fact, at both of these dining establishments, the staff has been extremely knowledgeable about the food they serve. We have also tried a local Indian restaurant called Gem of India. While not as vegetarian friendly as other Indian restaurants in which we have dined, the host was more than helpful when we inquired about the vegetarian dishes. When we asked questions for which he did not know the answer, he asked the cooks directly and provided us with frank answers.

The accents are somewhat neutral here. I was expecting more northern accents. I guess Springfield isn’t really northern or southern, so all of the accents kind of wash out.

Sweet tea at the major chains such as McDonald’s and Moe’s is real sweet tea. Any place else is hit or miss. You may get a northern version which just doesn’t taste right.

People here seem to be a little more weight conscious than some of the other places I have lived. In Arkansas, it seems that 5 out of 10 are overweight and out of shape. I would put it closer to 1 or 2 out of 10 here.

There is a large number of scooters traversing the streets here. Small scooters that require no registration. Small scooters that require the driver to have no license. Small scooters that seem impossibly small.

That’s about all I have an opinion on at this point. Check back later for updates.